Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
