I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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