I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
