She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
