I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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