well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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