please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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