Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I lost the right to judge tonight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
