How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
