Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
