Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
