so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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