Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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