i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
