no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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