I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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