Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
