My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
