I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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