oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
