Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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