I bet he comes in French.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
