pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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