Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
