So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
