hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
