I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
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She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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