Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
