I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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