Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
