i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
