i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
