I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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