At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your cock deserves a montage
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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