I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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