so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
