i don't plan on having that self control this summer
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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