I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
