just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
