I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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