please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
