I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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