I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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