Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
