I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
