I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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