Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
