you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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