one two three fourrrrnication!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
