oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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