He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
