I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
