You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
