I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
