you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
