i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
COCAINE IS GR8
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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