K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im six kinds of drunk right now
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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